


Falling

by SailingOtherShips (TWDObsessive)



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, POV First Person, POV Lukas Waldenbeck, Post-Canon, Romance, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 05:04:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/SailingOtherShips
Summary: Lukas wakes up at home after he's finally released from the hospital and Philip is there with him.  As they talk and share gentle touches and kisses, Lukas starts to come to terms with his sexuality.“You don’t plan love.  You don’t see it coming.  You just fall.  Unexpectedly.”





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Just stumbled upon this show on OnDemand and binge watched the whole thing. Fell in love with these two sweet souls. I've written over 130 Rick/Daryl Walking Dead fan fics, but this is the first time I've ever written outside that ship. I'm not even sure if people are still reading since the show is long off the air, but I had to have a little more of these two before I could let them go.

I woke from another dream, the same dream, actually. Being in the cabin and standing with the frying pan unable to move, terrified, my gut sinking at the thought of Philip being hurt. I jolted awake and found myself safe in my own room, my chest still aching from the gunshot, but relieved to escape the dream and to remember that I was finally out of the hospital. 

“You okay?” It was Philip’s voice, soft and gentle like it always was. He was in a chair by my bed and had jumped to his feet the second I woke. “Want some water or something.”

I sat up, looking around. “What are you doing in here? My dad-”

“Isn’t here,” he finished as he sat beside me on the bed. He ran his fingers through my hair. I loved that feeling, the tiny sparks I felt inside when he was so close to my skin. He looked at me with those dark soulful eyes that I couldn’t resist, eyes that made me do things I never planned on doing, eyes that knew me better than I knew myself. But still, that voice in my head screamed this was wrong.

“But if he catches you in here-”

“Lukas,” Philip said as he kissed my forehead. “It’s over. He knows. He’s the one who asked me to stay with you while he ran up to Poughkeepsie.”

“Why?” I asked. His lips lingered close to mine and I was drowning in those big brown eyes of his. Those eyes were my weakness. They were the reason I fell apart every time we were together, the reason I always lost myself. He looked at me like no one else ever had, not Rose, not anyone. 

“Because he knows. And he wanted someone to be here. He’s trying, Lukas. He really is.”

I didn’t know how Philip did that. Always talked so confidently, so sure. Those lips of his were so close to mine as he talked, eyes trying to peek inside me and all I could think of was how comforting his kisses felt, how they could make me disappear and become someone else, someone honest, someone in peace. 

I didn’t deserve him. I treated him like shit for weeks but he always came back to me, with those caring, understanding eyes and his lips parted in a pout. I had to take him every time he was near me and I would again, despite the pain in my shoulder and chest. 

I grabbed his head in my hands and tilted in to get the best angle to devour those lips. It was always filled with such heat, such fire, all desperation and need. When we were in each other’s arms I melted into him, our bodies melding together flawlessly. Rose was nothing like that. I couldn’t even get it up for her, but with Philip, I was usually already hard before our lips met. The war in my mind continued. How could it be wrong if I had no control over it? But I still worried, still fought those demons. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. I wasn’t.

“Did Rose tell everyone?” I asked between kisses, and I knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say, the wrong thing to be thinking of while his mouth was feasting on mine.

Philip stood and walked to the window and I felt my lungs constricting in a panic attack. Why was he walking away so slow? Was it because she told everyone and he hated to break the news? Was he going to walk away forever and not come back to me because I fucked up again and said the wrong thing?

He kept his eyes out the window as he answered. “No. I told you she wouldn’t.”

“It’s just that, my sponsors… I have to be… Fuck.” I knew anything that came out of my mouth would be wrong. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Philip. I shouldn’t have asked.”

He spun around and shot daggers at me. “You could have _died_ Lukas and still all you worry about is if people _know_.”

“I’m an asshole,” I said as I put my legs over the bed and tried to stand. 

He rushed to my side as if I hadn’t done a thing wrong, hadn’t shattered his heart and hurt his feelings, _again_ like I have dozens of times before.

“Don’t. You might still be shaky standing. At least let me help you.”

“Why? Why do you want to help me when I’ve done nothing but treat you like dirt?” I looked up at him searching his eyes for an answer, trying to make sense of everything. My world had tilted on its axis, I don’t understand it anymore and it's something I can’t change back. 

“I can’t help it,” he said, leaning down to press his forehead to mine before I could stand. “I’m in love with you, Lukas.”

I pulled him to me, my fingers clenched in his T-shirt, my lips to his like magnets and he straddled me and lowered me carefully onto the bed, kissing the whole time. 

“You make me crazy, Philip,” I groaned as I watched him pull off his shirt, his narrow body and smooth chest above me, irresistible temptation. I rested my hands on his sides and felt my way over his stomach and his chest. 

“It’s because you love me back,” he smiled. Then his lips fell back into that longing pout. “But you’re afraid to let yourself even think it.”

“Because I’m not _supposed_ to. This isn’t what I planned,” I said frustrated, fingers tightening to fists and eyes knitted in my ever-constant confusion. 

“You don’t plan love. You don’t see it coming. You just fall. Unexpectedly.” He always seemed so chill. He didn’t know it, but I admired him, wanted to be more like him. More confident, less afraid, more free. The first time I kissed him was the first time I ever felt an overwhelming rightness even though it was still so wrong in my brain. My heart and my body were convinced otherwise.

“I did fall,” I sobbed, embarrassed to be crying yet again. “I did. I love you.”

“I know,” he whispered by my ear, gently pressing kisses to my cheek until his lips found mine again. I pulled his chest close to feel his skin warm against my own. He always felt so alive, so perfect in my arms. A perfect fit in our tangle of arms and legs. 

“What we did at the hotel?” I said as he kissed his way down my chest. “I want that again, Philip. I want _you_.” I felt like there would be no way I could walk through the halls at school anymore and see Philip and not fall into his arms like a rag doll begging to be loved. 

He kissed my belly button then looked up at me, those eyelashes fluttering like the butterflies in my stomach and those eyes mesmerizing me, making me physically incapable of pulling away from him. His eyes were glazed over, I could read the love he had for me in those deep, dark eyes and I got lost in the abyss. 

He smiled flirtatiously. “You sure? It’s kind of a really gay thing.” 

Philip made me laugh. That was part of what drew me to him. He made me smile, even when he wasn’t trying to, even when I didn’t think I could.

I rolled him over and climbed on top of him, being careful with my right side. “I’m going to try, Philip. I know things are gonna change for me. I know I have to come out or be forever in this dark hole I’ve been hiding in. I don’t want to have those worries anymore. I don’t want… all this frustration and confusion. I just… I want you. I want it to be easy.”

“Life isn’t easy, Lukas. It’s not. Hell if anyone knows that now, it’s us. But loving is easy. You don’t even have to try, it just happens. When you let yourself have it, you can relax, you can breathe.”

I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of him, a mixture of pine, fresh air and a whisper of shampoo. “Have you been back to school yet?” I asked as I gazed into his eyes like they were a crystal ball with all my answers. 

“No. Probably going tomorrow. They said you could start back next week.”

I slid off Philip and stood as he watched me carefully to make sure I was steady. I felt strong all of a sudden. Like a weight being lifted, like I was caught in a bear trap for centuries and was finally being set free. 

“No. I want to go back with you tomorrow. I’m fine.” I didn’t want to live in a lie anymore. I wanted to breathe, I wanted to be happy.

Philip sat up and put his hands on my hips, looking up at me like a lost puppy. “I don’t know if the doctors-”

“No. I want to walk in with _you_ , Philip. I’m suffocating. I need to do it, I can’t breathe living in this lie anymore.”

I leaned down and kissed him, tender at first and then needy and pleading as he stood and wrapped his arms around me. 

“Whatever you want to do, Lukas. I’ll do whatever you want. I always have.” And as he kissed me, I felt like I was falling even deeper, a whole new world ahead of me once I shed the lies and the fear. The only thing I had to do was love him, and that was easy.

**Author's Note:**

> Is there anyone still actively engaged in this ship? Just curious!


End file.
